By Willie D (Read on and see why he's called the Gangster of Love).
A year after my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer I was preparing for yet another long, uncomfortable night at the hospital when I heard the announcement from an overhead speaker: “Would a family member of Marvelous Basey please come to the Intensive Care Unit?”
My mother, who had fought courageously, had lost her battle.
Although we didn’t get along most of the time, I still loved her. When she died, the pain was deep and the burden was heavy. I couldn’t fathom hating or disowning the woman who brought me into the world, regardless of our problems.
Now I’ve made a few, let’s just say, “unflattering” songs about women. But those songs were for those types of women, just like my flattering songs were for those types of women. Nonetheless, there are “women haters.” Those who don’t really know me will sometimes try to associate me with the “I Hate Them Bitches Fraternity.” When I realize that's where they’re coming from, I promptly kick their asses to the curb with reinforced steel-toed boots.
I love the female gender. I love their hair, the smell of their perfume, the way they smooth lotion into their skin after a bath, their laughter, the way they sway their hips, their optimism, their vulnerabilities, their fortitude. I could go on and on.
One of my favorite songs is “More Than A Woman” by the Bee Gees. The song illustrates the range of emotions a man experiences when he’s truly found “The One.” Here are a few of the lyrics…
Suddenly you're in my life
Part of everything I do
You got me working day and night
Just trying to keep a hold on you
Here in your arms, I found my paradise
My only chance for happiness
And if I lose you now, I think I would die
Those words may sound corny by today’s dating standards. But if you don’t have the capacity to feel that way about the woman you profess to love, why are you with her? The song reminds me how precious women are. I’m not talking about what’s on the surface, but her essence. Her essence, which makes her the most beautifully amazing creature God has ever formed, is the spirit of a woman. The essence of a woman enables her to procreate, protect, nourish, care and love unconditionally. It is what the Creator meant as her purpose, not society’s interpretation.
There are men who have been hurt by females who will think this article is annoying. Trust me brother, I know your pain. I’ve had my share of treacherous women, and I have not always acted properly myself. But guess what? You can not claim to love your mother, sister or daughter and disrespect the mothers, sisters and daughters of other men. It don’t work like that. When my daughter, Caen, was born, my love for her was so overwhelming that I developed a newfound appreciation for the entire female population.
I’m convinced that the Creator put something extra in women because they are the world’s greatest multi-taskers. How many men do you know who can hold down a job, care for the kids, wash clothes, clean the house, put dinner on the table, feed the dog, help with homework and play psychiatrist to a troubled friend all while dealing with the first day of their menstrual cycle?
All human life is formed and derived from the body of a woman. Regardless of the many complex relationships that men share with women, the fact is we need them. I often wonder how many more years my mother would have lived if she had gotten regular mammograms. I believe she would still be alive today. So, in observance of Breast Cancer Awareness Month and in lieu of wearing pink – ‘cause that ain’t gangster – I wanted to write an open letter to express my appreciation for women and encourage all of them to get tested. Please. Without you, the world would be a dark and lonely place. I love my brothers and my homies but if I were sentenced to a lifetime around a bunch of crusty, ashy men without a woman in sight, I would put a gun to my head and handle my business.
To any woman who has been injured in any way by my gender: I deeply apologize on behalf of men around the world and would like to challenge every man to follow my 11 Step Program to start the healing process.
WILLIE D’S PLAN
- Treat Your Woman Like You’re Still Trying To Get Her
Take her out to a fancy restaurant periodically, pay her compliments so often that it becomes as natural as breathing, open doors and buy her something nice when you have extra money. It’s not the price but the thought that matters.
- Don’t Be A Woman Beater
Never put your hands on your woman unless you are making love to her, holding or consoling her. Even if she forgives you she will no longer trust you to protect her. Like Betty Wright sang years ago, “No trust, no relationship.” If you beat your woman and you have a daughter, remember your daughter is watching and listening. Girls mimic their mother’s good or bad traits. Children’s first role models are usually the parent of the same sex. Their second role model is the parent of the opposite sex. If you lay hands on your woman, your daughter will likely end up with an abuser just like you. Then you’re going to want to kill somebody. How hypocritical is that? Other than the moral and spiritual problems of beating women, there are also legal ones. For one, you can end up spending time in jail and money on lawyers. Secondly, it could be bad for your health. Cops just love stomping out woman beaters.
- Make Sure She Gets Hers First
I shouldn’t be giving up the game like this but what the hell; I’m a team player. When you make love to your woman, make sure she is satisfied first. Women have to be physically and emotionally satisfied to reach their climax. You’re a man. The wind blowing is enough to get you off. Putting it down in bed is all good but it can sometimes require a great deal of foreplay to gain the desired results. Don’t be selfish.
- Have A Sense of Humor.
Women love to laugh. If you’re not a natural, don’t trip. Take her to a comedy show from time to time, rent a movie or search the internet for a jokes website. Then send her texts or emails from the site. She’ll laugh and you’ll get the credit for putting a smile on her face.
- Get On a “C Schedule”
This might be the most important component of my plan. Learn your woman’s body from the inside out. Get on her C Schedule - Cycle Schedule. (I just made that up.) When she’s PMS’ing her mood can swing from extreme anxiety to calm, then anger to joy—all in the same day. If you’re armed with this information you’re less likely to retaliate and make matters worse when her mood goes from zero to sixty for no apparent reason. If you understand what makes her body tick, you’re halfway home. Every true player knows, get the head and the body will follow.
- Don’t Worry About What Your Friends Think
Friends can be a great source of advice, but they can also ruin your relationship when they give you wrong information. Misery loves company, but when she kicks you out and you go to your homie’s place to crash, you will wear out your welcome quicker than you think. If you’re going to listen to what your friend says, question the source. If your friend has a bad track record with women, chances are he don’t know what the hell he’s talking about and he should be the last person on earth that you seek advice from.
- Don’t Be Afraid To Feel
One of women’s greatest complaints about men is that we don’t communicate our feelings. Express yourself to your woman so she doesn’t have to guess where you stand on issues. That does not mean that you should become a chatterbox “drama king.” Women tire quickly of guys who act too emotional or sensitive. Find that balance and you’ll be cooking with gas.
- Accept Your Woman “As-Is”
If you go to a used car lot and buy a vehicle most of the time you will see a sign in the window next to the price tag that says, “As-Is.” That means that you can’t take the car home, keep it for a few months, bring it back and ask for a refund or trade-in. Your relationship with your woman is the same way. Trying to change her suggests that you don’t think she’s good enough for you. And you need to remember that just because she isn’t dogging you about your shortcomings doesn’t mean you don’t have any.
- Work Together To Solve Mistakes
Allow your woman to make mistakes. When she does, work with her to correct them. Think of assisting your woman as teamwork. If you’re playing basketball and your teammate misses with time on the clock, you wouldn’t just stand there and fuss at him about the missed shot would you? No. You would hustle for the rebound to give yourself a chance at another shot.
10. Work Before Pleasure
I have never understood how a guy could be horny when he’s broke. If my money isn’t right I can’t get excited about anything but an opportunity to get it right. Also, I don’t think a man deserves the touch of a woman if he’s sitting on his ass all day and not out there trying to provide for his family. Besides, a man who is about his business turns a woman on like nothing else. Well, maybe not like shopping but you catch my drift.
11. Be First
Back in my boxing days, my uncle taught me to attack my opponents first because it throws off their rhythm and forces them to react to what you’re doing. You can use this method to your advantage with your woman if you ask not what your woman can do for you but what you can do for your woman. Men are more needy than women. And because women can easily shift from taking care of themselves to taking care of everyone else, we tend to overlook their needs and take them for granted. Ladies, it’s not intentional it’s instinctive.
Men, we’ve been given a bad rap but we can help ourselves if we follow my new plan. Let’s encourage them to get mammograms, take care of themselves and ask how we can help. Now let’s get out there and do better by our women. On three: 1, 2, 3, break!
Willie D is a member of the legendary rap group the Geto Boys. Follow him on Twitter: @WillieDLIVE