Thursday, September 21, 2017 at 3:30 a.m.
Willie D: “Never sacrifice your happiness for the happiness of others, family or not.”
Photo by Jeff Fitlow
Dear Willie D:
I work in the back office for a restaurant chain. While it wasn’t my dream job, when I first got hired I was grateful to be working somewhere. Now I feel like I’m always behind, covered in a mountain of reports and other work that should have been done months ago.
Just when I think I have a handle on everything, my boss throws a pile of tasks in my lap and gives me an unreasonable deadline to complete them. I used to have free time, but since the company has been laying [people] off the past three years, my personal life is non-existent because I’m doing the work of two people.
The stress has spilled over into my personal relationships. I don’t have time for family outings, and although we are together now, me and my boyfriend broke up for a month because of it. They offered me another position in a different city with more money, but I don’t want to relocate.
At the same time, I don’t want to be thought of as not being a team player. Should I push through or accept a severance package and look for new employment?
Back Office Stress:
Your life is chaotic to the point that it sounds as though you’re on the brink of a nervous breakdown. Look for new employment, then take the severance package. You don’t want to be sitting around with a bunch of free time, happy and broke.
I’M DATING AN UNHAPPY MAN
Dear Willie D:
I’m dating an unhappy married man who still sleeps at home in a separate room. What should I do?
It depends on what you want out of the situation. If you don’t mind being the side chick, continue doing whatever it is you’re doing and stay in your lane. If you want him all to yourself, give him an ultimatum to choose between you and his wife. But they’ll probably stop selling popcorn at ballparks before that happens.
Besides, why would he leave his wife? It sounds as if he’s perfectly happy with the current arrangement.
MY BROTHER IS A CHRONIC TAKER
Dear Willie D:
I’m a 42-year old female with a 35-year-old brother who is the most self-absorbed person I know. He takes all the time, giving very little, if anything, in return. For example, my mom is a retired school teacher. For her 80th birthday he suggested that we throw her a party. But when it came time to plan and pay for it, he was nowhere to be found.
I thought he would help me with arrangements on the day of the party, but he didn’t walk into the door until two hours after everything had started. I tried to stay calm, but I let him have it when he tried to take credit for planning the party. We got into a physical altercation and had to be separated by family and friends.
Each time I say I’m done with him, I let him back into my life to cause more damage. How can I love my taker brother, but keep him at a safe distance where he can’t hurt me anymore?
Oh, That’s an easy one. Because your brother is unreliable, don’t put yourself in a position to rely on him. Also, instead of waiting on your grown-ass brother to change, which at 35 ain’t likely to happen, change your expectations of him. Basically, expect nothing. That way if by chance he does something unusually nice, it’s all good. But if he doesn’t, it’s no big deal because you wasn’t expecting anything nice from him in the first place.
Never sacrifice your happiness for the happiness of others, family or not. There are other ways to love your brother without pimping out your sanity.
I SKIPPED MY FRIEND’S BABY SHOWER BECAUSE SHE SKIPPED MINE
Dear Willie D:
Call me stubborn, but I was taught to treat people the way you want to be treated. So, since my friend skipped my baby shower, I skipped hers. Surprisingly, she has a major issue with it because after her shower she stopped calling me, and blocked me from all of her social-media accounts.
Her blocking me was not a big deal because I was going to block her anyway. The only thing I’m mad about is that I didn’t get to block her first. Do you think I’m being petty?
Yes, you are being petty… and vindictive. But I like it. I really like it!
Ask Willie D anything at willied.com/ask-willie-d, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.