Thursday, July 20, 2017 at 3:30 a.m.
Dear Willie D:
Do you think its OK for your fiancée to talk to guys she had sex with in the past now that she’s getting married?
Exes lurking in the background usually spells trouble, but so does being jealous and controlling. I still communicate with one of my exes, regularly, and it’s strictly platonic. There are no romantic feelings left over, just deep appreciation, love and mutual respect for a very good friend.
But that type of relationship is rare and requires a lot of trust on all ends, and discipline from former love interests. Your fiancée’s relationship with her ex could very well be innocent. But I say go with your gut. If you feel she’s stepping out on you, she probably is.
WHY DO GUYS GET UPSET WHEN I SAY I’M CELIBATE?
Dear Willie D:
I am a 34-year-old single mother of two. I decided to become celibate last year. I tell guys interested in me this, and they pretend to understand, but when they realize that I’m serious about not having sex again until I get married they get upset.
Why is that? I’m always honest about being celibate and why I chose this lifestyle. So, I’m not understanding why it’s such a big deal.
It’s a big deal because guys like sex! The next time you go on a date with a new guy, just tell him you you’re not having sex again until you get married because you want to feel a spiritual as well as a physical connection before having wild passionate sex.
How a guy receives the news of your celibacy depends on his maturity level. Some guys will be supportive, some will pressure you, and some will walk away. The one who stays is the keeper.
AFTER THREE YEARS I GOT PUSHED ASIDE. WHY?
Dear Willie D:
I’ve been talking to a man in prison for three years. It’s not like I don’t know him; we’ve been friends since middle school. I’ve been there for him from day one, never turned my back on him. I made sure he had everything he wanted, and needed while locked down. He goes up for parole in January.
I haven’t heard from him since April. Last text I got was that he loved me and he went ghost. I mean he tattooed my name on him, and it’s been three years. How do I let go? Why is he doing this to me? I was the only one there when everyone else turned their backs on him. I’m confused.
Before you start jumping to conclusions, do a welfare check and make sure the reason he isn’t in touch with you isn’t outside of his control. After all, he is in prison. He could be on lockdown, sick, or worse.
However, if you discover that he is purposely avoiding you, bring yourself to accept that reality, hold your head, and let go. Try not to beat yourself up or speculate as to why he switched it up on you. Just stay busy, keep waking up, and you’ll see the hurt you feel now getting smaller and smaller like objects in your vehicle rearview mirror.
Letting go of someone in a relationship is just like falling in love with them in the first place – it may take time.
HOW DO I HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE ON A BUDGET?
Dear Willie D:
I’m embarrassed for even writing this letter, but here it goes. I’m a 36-year-old minimum-wage working father of two small children. All I do is work. I hardly have time to play with my children, and I can never afford to take them anywhere. I don’t really have a social life, because I can’t afford to go anywhere meaningful.
My friends invite me out all the time, but lately they have stopped because I always refuse, because I just don’t have it (money). All my favorite bands cost $30 or more to see, and then there’s the parking charge and drinks. By the time I’m done for the evening, I would be out of at least $50. That’s assuming I don’t take a date.
So, how do I have a social life on a budget?
Balling on a Budget:
Pick up one of those free local newspaper publications around town, if you live in Houston, scoop the Houston Press and search for free, or inexpensive things to do. If you want to go to a bar, go when it’s free, and if you want to drink alcohol, go during happy hour and order 1 or 2 drinks max, or get your buzz on before you walk inside.
House parties are also a good look, because you don’t have to pay for food or drinks. All you have to do is get there. To minimize the chance of getting thrown out the party like Stacey Dash at a Black Lives Matter rally, make sure you’re on the guest list.
Ask Willie D anything at willied.com/ask-willie-d, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.